Getting One Night Stand But Can't Perform
A lot more men have this going on than you
think. They get a woman into bed, and find that their mind
seems to want
to go faster than their bodies do.
Often guys who have this also don't orgasm with women the first
time they have sex with them--they need to go at it a few
times before they relax enough to "let loose."
This is more normal than you think. Many men, especially shy men,
or men who haven't had much success with women, think that
they want to have a lot of one-night stands...but when they finally
succeed in getting a stranger into bed, they find that they
aren't interested after all.
This can be incredibly disconcerting. You do the work to be
seductive, you actually succeed, you've got into bed some hot
19-year-old whose name you can't even remember and whose last
name you've never even heard, and your manhood decides to take
a vacation on you. This is the thanks you get? What the hell
is going on here?
It turns out that while most men think they want to have
one-night-stands, a great number of them only like the idea in
theory, or in fantasy. They are stuck with these sad facts:
Being sexual is really pretty intimate. Not surprisingly,
being that intimate requires a good deal of trust. Trust takes
time to build. Therefore, those men who are not good at
one-night stands have to accept that they don't actually want
the instant-sex that they think they want.
So what's a fellow to do? We suggest that you listen to you dick
when you are being sexual. But how to do that? You can say to
a woman you are getting to know, "I have to tell you--I need
to go slow into sexuality. I can be kind of, well, shy, when I first
get sexual." After giving that warning, just listen to what
you want to do with a woman, and don't go any farther than
your dick wants you to.
The weird thing is, this little speech (and following up on it)
can have two almost paradoxical effects:
First, telling a woman you want to slow down the sexuality in
your relationship is often such a turn-on to her that she will
end up wanting to go faster, or at least as fast as you chose
to go. Unexpectedly, telling her you want to slow down puts
you in the driver's seat with a woman, putting YOU in charge
of how fast sexuality goes. This makes you more of the
"desired commodity" in the relationship.
Second, taking the pressure off yourself to have to perform with
a woman can make it easier for you to, uh, perform. If you know that
you don't have to 'get it up,' and she knows you aren't going to go
nuts to push it, the freedom that knowledge gives you can make
sex even more likely to have sex happen.
Third, practice often makes perfect. If you don't have to
perform, and both you and her know it, in time you might get
better at one-nighters. At two AM, after drinks and late-night
pizza and who-knows-what-else on the way to your one-nighter,
she may not notice if you fall asleep half-way to going the
distance, anyway.
But the real point of all this is that accepting yourself as
someone who actually isn't interested in one-nighters is a really
good idea. Don't worry, you'll get used to it in time...and
not trying to be something you are not will ultimately improve your
sex life.
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