We never suggest pushing a woman, trying to “talk her into liking you,” or becoming submissive and acting like a supplicant “so she’ll like you.” We are against giving things you don’t want to give or doing things you don’t want to do in order to “get her to like you,” too. If you try your Flirting Moves, and the woman is unreceptive, we say, move on. At the same time, you probably are regularly in situations where you don’t know if a woman is unreceptive or not. Perhaps it’s in a bookstore, watching a desirable woman browse the books, or in a coffee shop, watching a woman working on her laptop computer, wondering if she might like you.

One of the big traps men fall into is they don’t find out if a woman is receptive or not. If she’s not, then fine, you can move on. But you have to find out. How to do that ?

  1. Saying “hi” right away. Once again, being the kind of guy who says “hi” when he first sees a woman he’s attracted to goes a long way towards being able to talk more with her later. If you said “hi” to that woman at the coffee shop when you first saw her, and she didn’t say “hi” back, you’d have a good idea that she’s not very receptive to your approaching her. If she did say “hi” back, then you both have a little invested in the relationship, and it will be easier to talk with her more later.
  2. Assessing her “vibe.” With some women, you really might get the sense that there is a wall around them, that they are really in their own world. The mistake most men make in this situation is to assume that if they were a better seducer, they’d be able to break down that wall, talk to the woman, and get her in bed in 20 minutes or less. Then those men feel bad about themselves for being such failures. The truth is, some women are highly unreceptive, and it doesn’t have anything to do with you, and there’s nothing you are going to be able to do about it. Stop idealizing her as “the perfect woman, who got away” and stop beating yourself up about it.Aside from her “vibe,” you can assess her approachability by looking at her level of eye contact. If you are around a person, you are likely to make accidental eye contact–unless that person is making an effort to make sure that eye contact does not occur. If you can’t catch her eye, it doesn’t mean that the game is over, but it might mean that she’s less open to you than you might like.
  3. Being a source of certainty that the interaction is going okay. When you do interact with her, you must be a source of certainty that the interaction is okay. Remember, most of the time, a woman is looking to you to gauge whether or not she should be tense in an interaction. If you seem relaxed, she’ll be much more likely to relax, too. If you are tense, she’ll be tense. Don’t wait for her to relax first–have the faith that the interaction is okay, even in the face of taking a risk with her. Providing that certainty is much more important than having the “perfect line.” You can bumble all over the place, but if you are a source of certainty, then you will have a much better chance of success.
  4. Taking a risk when the opportunity arises. If you’ve said “hi”, then your next task is to take a larger risk. Look at something in the environment you can comment on, or something about her person that you can ask a question about. It is permissible to start a conversation with a very tepid, non-romantic question, such as, “Excuse me, I notice you have an Apple laptop. How do you like it?” It’s also excellent to ask, “What’s the story behind that?” about some article on her person. For instance, you might say, “Excuse me, I couldn’t help noticing your unusual necklace. I can’t recall ever seeing one like that before. If you wouldn’t mind me asking, what’s the story behind that?”You might also take a smaller, “passing” risks, by making some little comment, and seeing how she responds to it. If you were using your laptop computer outside at a coffee shop, and it was too bright to see the screen and you came back in, you might say something like, “Wow, it’s nice out, but too bright to see the screen” as you pass by her. See how she responds–if she grunts or says nothing, she’s probably feeling unapproachable. If she gives you an entire sentence, you are on your way!
  5. Not beating yourself up for “missed” opportunities. We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again: It does you no good to beat yourself up for not taking every possible opportunity that comes your way. In fact, making yourself feel bad about yourself makes it harder for your to seduce women, because women are less attracted to men who beat themselves up. We believe that this is true: “Missing” opportunities, and not beating yourself up about them, is part of the path to actually taking opportunities.The sequence looks like this: 1) believing there are no opportunities, which leads to 2) seeing opportunities but not taking them, and feeling good about it, which leads to 3) seeing opportunities and taking them. Let yourself feel good about even seeing the opportunity. That will help you take it in the future.


Ron Louis and David Copeland are dating coaches and authors of the best selling “How to Succeed with Women” and the creators of  Seduction Techniques