I tend to be socially isolated, which makes it even harder for me to meet women. What should I do ?
We talk a lot about “doing your niche work.” Fundamental five, “Do your niche work,” is an important part of succeeding with women. For men who are not aware of it, “niche work” is the work you do to find places where you can interact with women who attract you, easily and efficiently. The difference between a seducer who refuses to do “niche work” and one who does it is the difference between a fisherman who throws his line anywhere, hoping to catch a fish, and a fisherman who knows where the best fishing holes are, and who goes to them so he can reliably catch his fish. The fisherman who has done the work to find good fishing holes will always catch more fish, just as the seducer who has found good niches will have more success with seducing women. “Niche work” is important, but we are seeing more and more that it can be made a lot easier if you follow one simple rule, as you do your niche work. That rule is: Accept all invitations.
We have worked with many men who’s instant response to almost any social invitation is “no,” yet who are baffled as to why they are lonely and don’t have a girlfriend. You may not know it, but you probably have more opportunities to do social things than you think, but are so used to saying “no” that you miss out on opportunities that could both make you new friends, and put you in front of women.
You can find out how much of a “no” mentality you have by adopting, over the next few weeks, a new policy of saying “yes” to every invitation. You are unlikely to be able to succeed at this project, there will probably be some invitations that really, truly, aren’t for you but taking on the attitude of “yes” to all invitations will show you, in stark relief, just how “no”-oriented you might be.
There are three main reasons you say “no” to invitations:
- Fear. For most of us, it is scary to get to know new people, so we come up with excuses. “I can’t go out, it will go too late, and I have the job in the morning,” or “It’s too expensive to go out for beers–I have to save that ten dollars for something important!” Recognize that you are afraid, and say “yes” anyway.
- Judgmentalism. Basically another form of fear, it’s easy to use judgments to allow yourself to say “no” to new experiences with new people. In your mind, either people are too good for you, and intimidating, or not good enough, and not worthy of your time. Once again, the key is to recognize that you are being judgmental, and say “yes” anyway.
- Hopelessness. The favorite refrain of the hopeless man is “That would never work because…” Hopeless men almost seem to delight in proving things will never get better, so they shouldn’t even bother. They might say, “Saying ‘yes’ to that social opportunity or invitation would never work, because there would never be any women there, and if there are they’ll all be old or fat.” Again, recognize you are being hopeless, and say “yes.” That’s all there is to do.
Saying “yes” can get your girls–as well as other social benefits. For instance, one of our students was taking a comedy improvisation class. There weren’t many women there, but he liked the class, so it did fulfill Fundamental Eight, “Be building a life you love, separate from women.” One of his classmates, a guy named Bret, asked him if he wanted to go for a beer after one of the classes. Normally he would have said “no,” (judgmentalism) but because he had decided to try to say “yes” to every invitation, he went along. It turned out Bret was a pretty cool guy, and he met several of Bret’s friends at the bar, whom he liked, too. Going out after the class became sort of a ritual, and our student and Bret became friends. They went to rock concerts together and generally enjoyed hanging out.
A few weeks after their friendship began, Bret invited our student to dinner with some of his friends. Our student said “yes,” and it was at that dinner he met Nicky. She was young and attractive and the two of them really hit it off in a big way, and became lovers almost immediately. Saying “yes” was the key that allowed our student to find this lover (as well as to make a new friend!).
This happens all the time, and is, in fact, the way most couples meet. They have a social life and a social circle, have accepted invitations, and ended up meeting more and more new people until they met each other and “clicked.” Saying “yes” to invitations is what drives this entire system, and saying “no” is what ends it. It is true that you must take some action to get yourself socializing in the first place. This is the power of niche work. But if you combine niche work with accepting all invitations, your social life will start to take on a life of its own, and you will meet women.
Best of luck !
Ron Louis and David Copeland
|Ron Louis and David Copeland are dating coaches and authors of the best selling “How to Succeed with Women” and the creators of Seduction Techniques|