As you probably know, most women decide in the first three minutes of meeting you whether you are lover material or simply another lowly “friend.” What you may not know is that those three minutes are also the minutes during which you run simple, low-risks tests on her to find out of she is interested in you romantically. If she is then you have “pre-qualified” her, and can move forward with more confidence into asking her out, initiating, going for the first kiss, etc. If she is not interested then you have found out, you haven’t taken much time, you’ve risked almost nothing, and can move on to someone else.

You’ve got to make use of those key three minutes to find out if she is open to the idea of being lovers with you. While it’s not completely effortless, if you run a few simple tests during that critical period, you can find out.

These first three minutes are the best time to both find out if she is interested in you _and_ to help generate and increase whatever interest in you she does have. Let’s recap a woman’s first experience of you: When a woman meets you, even if she thinks you are cute, you represent a problem to her. While you are thinking about great she’d look naked, and wondering if those are her real breasts, she is thinking about how you will probably leave her like all the others, and is convincing herself that she shouldn’t even bother with you. Her natural inclination will be to put you into the “friends” category right away, just to keep her life calm. And if you act like a friend, that is exactly what will happen.

When you show romantic interest right away, however, you are throwing a monkey wrench into her “friends” plan. You are not going quietly into that dark night of “just friends.” No, you are putting yourself in the “potential lover” category by doing the things a potential lover would do. When you do those things, it is easier for her to go with the flow, and–provisionally, at least–to think of you as a potential lover. After all, you are acting like a potential lover, aren’t you? It’s easier just to think of you as one.

When you do these flirting moves, you are not only trying to stay out of the “friends” zone. You are also testing her, to get a sense of how open she is to being seduced.

For instance, does she blush when you wink at her, or look angry? Does she smile when you check out her body, or does she reach for her rape whistle? Does she glow when you compliment her beauty, or does she give you a stern lecture about he patriarchal nature of the way men treat women and the disgustingly phallocentric practice of modern dating? By testing her with the flirting moves, you can find out her level of interest or disinterest without doing much work or taking much risk.

We’ve been over these moves before–the difference now is that you are thinking about these flirting moves as tests, rather than as initiations. You are finding out, through these tests, how open she is to being seduced.

Here’s what to do:

The wink test. You can wink at her from across the room, or wink at her during a conversation. If she says something funny, or someone else does something silly, give her a wink as a way of sharing a little moment for just the two of you, as if the two of you are in on some private joke no one else is aware of. If she relaxes and laughs, she’s interested in more. If she gets cold or more remote, she’s not.

The body-check test. The goal of this test is for her to see that you notice her body, without leaving her feeling objectified like some piece of meat. You do this by making eye contact, then quickly, in less than a second, passing your eyes down and then up over her body, then back to looking her in the eyes. This should happen quickly, and you should be unashamed of taking the glance. If she seems relaxed or happy when you meet her eyes again, she’s interested in more. If she gets cold or more remote, she is not.

The eye-contact test. While you are conversing with her, you want to be sure to have eye contact at least some of the time. At least once, hold the eye contact a little “too long”–just a fraction too long, so there’s a brief, more intimate moment between you. If she holds your eye, she’s interested in more. If she looks away or seems upset by it, she’s not.

The compliment test. In this test you give her a compliment, and see how she takes it. The only trap here is that the compliment must be one a potential lover would make, not one a tepid friend would. Here’s the difference: A man who is destined to be a woman’s friend compliments her by saying something like, “You have a very nice briefcase.” The compliment doesn’t show that he is interested in her romantically. It doesn’t test her, because it hasn’t give her anything romantic to react to. A real compliment is something like, “Wow, you have beautiful eyes,” or, “I have to tell you, you have really great style. You just light up the room.” If she smiles at your compliment, and thanks you warmly, she’s interested in more. If she seems uncomfortable, she’s not.

Any flirting move can be made into a testing move. The key is that romantic-interest testing moves must 1) make it clear in some small way that you are romantically interested while 2) not be so risky that you are either scary or putting your ego on the line.

With a little practice these moves (and more like them) will become second-nature to you, and you won’t even have to think about them–you will automatically do them every time you meet a woman you are attracted to. Her responses will tell you if she is interested or not, and you can assess whether or not you should initiate more aggressively, and take bigger risks, from that knowledge.


Ron Louis and David Copeland are dating coaches and authors of the best selling “How to Succeed with Women” and the creators of  Seduction Techniques