As we mentioned last week, an interview with us is running in the February 2003 issue of the Japanese edition of Playboy. If you don’t speak Japanese, or don’t have immediate access to that publication, here are a few of the questions they asked us, and our answers :

I know you are saying anyone can be successful with women once you master the habits or techniques that all master seducers follow. But some men seem to be naturally popular among women. They must be born with the makings of a master seducer. What are those makings? Is there something that you are just born with and cannot learn?

There are some men who are successful with women, no matter what they do. Often this is because they are outrageously physically attractive. We know one man who is so beautiful that hot women come up to him and give him their number on a regular basis. He is baffled that any man has a hard time meeting women. His useless advice: “Just be yourself!” That’s easy if you are in the top .0001% of beautiful men. If you are not, you are going to have to learn how to be more seductive.

We have learned, however, that you don’t have to be beautiful to get women, but you do have to be willing to do the work. Fortunately, most men don’t object to having to work to get women–they just want to know what work they need to do!

If you don’t know how to make yourself known as a potential lover to a woman, and you aren’t incredibly beautiful, she is very likely to think of you as “just a friend.” The good news is you can learn to come across to women as a potential lover, and it’s easier than you probably think.

When you first speak with a woman, what is the most effective way to make her see you as romantically attractive?

Women decide in the three few minutes whether a man is a potential lover or “just a friend.” And, despite the fact that most women say they want a man to be “friends first,” once you are in the “just friends” category, it’s exceedingly difficult, if not impossible, to get out of it. If you turn on the romance later, she’ll tell you she likes things the way that they are, and that she doesn’t want to “spoil the friendship.” You are left screaming in the silence of your own mind, “The only reason I became your ‘friend’ was to get you into bed, anyway!” as you nod weakly and say, “Yes, it would be a shame to spoil such a beautiful friendship.” Ug.

If you have had this happen, it’s happened because you haven’t made use of those critical first three minutes, when a woman is deciding what category to put you into. Fortunately, you don’t have to suffer that fate again. Remember, everybody is trying to make their lives easier. Women are no exception. A woman puts you into the “just friends” category because it is the easy thing to do. As a “friend” you won’t disrupt her life, and that makes life easy for her (even if it doesn’t make life easy for you!).

However, if you do things in those critical first few minutes that make it easier for her to put you into the “potential lover” category, then she is much more likely to think of you that way, at least provisionally. You get into her “potential lover” category by doing the exciting, slightly daring and challenging things a possible lover would do, rather than the tepid and basically boring things a “friend” would do. We call these critical actions the “Flirting Moves.” When you do the “flirting moves” with a woman, you are acting like a potential lover, which helps set the stage for becoming her actual lover. They certainly keep you out of the “just a friend” category.

Interpreting Body Language

These Flirting Moves are a backdrop for everything else we are going to teach you in this program. For the rest of this program (and, we hope, for the rest of your life) you’ll want to incorporate them into your daily behavior with women.

Are there any good way to make your date see you as dependable, broadminded, and someone she can look up to?

This is about proving credibility. Even if you do not have a great job, or high social status, there are things you can do to show your credibility to a woman and to help her see you as as a potential mate.

She’s watching your behavior to see what you are like. Here’s some little things you can do to help her look up to you.

  • Be patient with service people. She’s looking to see how you treat people. Treat service people well.
  • Be willing to reveal some personal information about yourself. Don’t reveal everything, but she shouldn’t get the idea that you are keeping secrets.
  • Keep your word. Show up when and where you say you will. Do what you say you will do.
  • Be a gentleman. Being willing to open doors, help on with coats, and pull out chairs for women shows very profoundly that you are a man she can count on and look up to.

That’s all for today.


Ron Louis and David Copeland are dating coaches and authors of the best selling “How to Succeed with Women” and the creators of  Seduction Techniques