Dating / Relationship Question and Answer


31 Oct 2001


10 Ways to Know When Your Relationship Is “Right”



I spend much of my time pointing out where
things went wrong with this person’s approach, or that person’s
relationship, etc. I thought it might be time to look at what makes
a relationship “right”. That is, how do you know you’re in a
relationship that can last?


Here’s my top 10:


10. You feel good about yourself and your world

A good relationship makes you feel great. It should fill in your “gaps” and
make you feel whole. It should give you emotional strength and help
you to feel that everything is ok – and will continue to be. Another
good sign is that you’re better able to survive disasters at work,
at home, etc. – not because you know someone will be there to solve
them, but because you know that YOU can.


9. You look forward to spending time together
Far too many couples stay together out of habit. They don’t really look forward
to being together and try to find ways to avoid it. For example,
they always try to include other friends, go to an event so that
they’ll have something to do, etc. Another sign is fear of the
“conversation lag” where nobody has anything to say. If your
relationship is “right”, you’ll enjoy spending quality time together
– even when it’s quiet.


8. You respect your partner, and “talk him or her up”
Is there anyone that agrees with everything someone else says or thinks? (I
can tell you – nobody agrees with everything I say!) There’s no
reason you have to agree with everything your partner says or thinks
either. However, you should RESPECT them for it – right or


Further, when you respect someone – really respect them – you
find yourself “talking them up” to people. You say things like, “You
know, my girlfriend said something that I don’t agree with, but it
really made me think” or “My husband really knows about wood working
– you should ask him about it.”


What this really shows is your focus – if you find you’re always
talking about yourself, you’re not focused on your partner – or the


7. You are really interested in what he or she thinks
Along with respect, you’ll find that you are interested in your partner’s
thoughts on different things – and you ask. You might have heard the
President of your company say something and you ask your wife to get
her take on it. Or, you may have come up with an idea that you want
your boyfriend to think about – and you’re not afraid of getting
shot down.


6. You are aware of, but ignore their quirks
Everyone (even YOU bunky!) has his or her little quirks. Your partner’s quirks
might even appear cute to you, or at least harmless. If they’re
getting to you, you should look more closely at your relationship in


5. Problems don’t make you think about breaking up
All relationships have problems. It’s natural and healthy. However, if
every time you fight you feel ready to break up, you should re-think
your relationship. People that have good, solid relationships see
disagreements as a chance to learn more about their lover, and to
get closer. Thus, they don’t fear them, but they don’t create them


4. You aren’t scared about losing him or her
Once you start investing your feelings in a relationship you risk being hurt.This
isn’t my rule – it’s just the way it is. However, if you dwell on
the possibility of being hurt, you can’t really enjoy the
relationship. Further, you shouldn’t be concerned that your lover
isn’t happy. If the relationship is secure – you’ll know it.


3. You’re together “just because”
Many people start dating and then coordinate their lives such that they have to be together –
either for finances, kids, family, work, the dog, etc. Is there
something keeping your relationship together? If you’re together
just because you both want to be, you’ve got a good reason to stay
together! If you’re together because you have to be, you’ll likely
to start having problems.


2. You appreciate other attractive people, but aren’t interested in them

There is someone more attractive than your boyfriend,
girlfriend, husband or wife. I don’t care whom you’re with! If your
relationship is good, you still like the way other people look, but
don’t find it necessary to compare them to your partner. After all


1. You are in love
If you don’t know that you’re in love,
you’re not. Love is very difficult to explain, but one of the best
explanations I’ve seen is this:


“Love is when you are more concerned with the well being, safety
and happiness of someone else than your own.”


That’s a pretty powerful idea, and something I hope everyone gets
to experience.


Good luck, much love…