Dating / Relationship Question and Answer
5 Sept 2001
Overcoming Rejection – Handling Objections
Those of you that have read my articles know that I talk a lot about selling skills. That’s
because I view dating much like selling. For example:
Selling and Marketing – Dating
Marketing plan – Dating plan
Prospecting – Finding and meeting someone
“Cold call” – Approaching someone for the first time
“Warm call” – Setting up a date referred by a friend
The “pitch” – Establishing connection
The “close” – Getting a number, getting a date, etc.
The “follow-up” – Moving on to the next step
Over the years, I have trained hundreds of salespeople and know
that everyone can sell. As well, I’ve worked with many, many people
and know that everyone can be successful at dating. By looking at
dating this way, you begin to see that it really isn’t just hit and
miss – there really are rules that work for anyone.
One of the most important elements of selling is handling
objections. This doesn’t mean that you can convince someone of
something – that isn’t what selling is all about! Dating isn’t
either. You can’t really convince anyone to date you, to establish a
relationship with you, to sleep with you, etc. What you can do is to
make it worthwhile for this person to make the decision on their
When you’re dating someone, the best advice is to always consider
how hard you want to work. If you’ve found the “immovable object” –
that person that just won’t budge, why continue to pound on him or
her? It’s by far easier to just move on and find someone that “wants
to buy what you’re selling”.
On the other hand, there are some things you can do to help get
your “prospect” off the fence. In fact, with many people,
(particularly women), you sometimes have to put some work in. Again,
keep in mind that you shouldn’t work too hard – if someone expects
that much, you’re “return” isn’t usually going to be worth it.
Let’s examine some common objections and how to handle them.
Everyone has the same 168 hours a week. And, whether you use them
or not, they’re gone. Because of this, many people believe that they
are really busy. To them, they may be, but to others it may have
just been a wasted of 168 hours. This is a often a matter of
I know people that really get things done, and I know people who
waste a tremendous amount of time. Every one of them thinks that
they are busy. But, consider this; if you want something – really
want it – you make time for it. If someone tells you they don’t have
time to date you time really isn’t the issue, it’s interest.
You may need to do some more selling. Suggest that if they knew
you better, they’d feel that the hour or two spent with you was
Objection: They don’t “see” you that way or you’re a
This is a killer. If you’ve slipped into the “friend” category,
you’ve got an up-hill battle on your hands. First, you’ve got to
change that idea in the person’s head – especially with women. Women
organize men into two categories – boyfriend material and everyone
If you’re the “friend” you can say that you want to use your
closeness and understanding of her/him as the cornerstone of your
relationship. Say that your friendship is ready to move to the next
level and that he or she may not see you that way yet, but they
will. Then, set a date to take the out – but make it a date, not
just two friends getting together! Do all the things you’d do if you
were taking out a new person. This “new” person however is one that
you already have history with. Don’t let this history prevent
you from doing the “date things” that you’d normally do with someone
You may find that your “target” is reluctant to set the initial
date. Again, this may be difficult to get past, but it is not
insurmountable. Remind him or her that they’ve been comfortable
being with you on other occasions and this one will be just as
comfortable. After all, you’re just trying to see if you work as a
couple or not.
Objection: They’re seeing someone else
The person may be in a committed relationship, but even this can
be dealt with. You might want to interject some humor. Try saying
this: “So what – are you some kind of fanatic or something?” Once
you’ve established some ease between you two, go the next step and
say, “I understand that you’re seeing other people right now, so am
I. I just think that we MAY have a spark we should explore.”
Keep it light and simple, and remember, it’s usually easier to
steal someone else’s boy- or girlfriend than it is to keep one!
Objection: They can’t afford to take you
Objections involving money – like time – are never to real
objection. That is, there is something else you need to find. This
is a question of “value”. For example, if I could absolutely
guarantee you a 50% return on your money, (and you absolutely
believed me), how much would you invest? Would you take out a second
mortgage on your home? Would you borrow every single penny from your
friends and family that you could? Of course you would!
The problem here is that the person doesn’t see the value in
taking you out. Thus, you can eliminate this problem by going on the
“zero-cost date”. For examples of free and inexpensive dates, check
this some of my recent articles on this site or at:
If you’re still getting resistance setting a date, you need to
look at other reasons.
Objection: They’re afraid of you
Why are they afraid of you? Because they’ve been hurt before?
Because you remind them of the person that killed their parents?
What exactly does this mean?
This objection, like the one above isn’t really about fear, it’s
about belief. You need to find out why they don’t believe you’re
intentions are good. Here, you want to address their fears by
showing them that you’re a reasonable, “safe” person and give them
the appearance of a way out.
Objection: Not interested or you’re not their
The real question is WHY aren’t they interested? Could it be that
you’ve just downed two garlic cloves and a pint of vinegar? Have you
spent the entire evening making an ass of yourself?
You want to show this person why you’re unique. That doesn’t mean
that you can stand on your head for 30 minutes at a stretch while
finishing off a six-pack. It means that you aren’t just “one of the
boys/girls”. Of course that also means that you meet their “dating
expectations”. Look around you and see the type of people they are
with. Then, show this person why you’re just like them, only
Objection: No response or they don’t
Too many people fear confrontation. Combine this with poor
manners (brought on by poor parenting – you may want to contact this
person’s mother to find out why!), and you’ve got a no-response type
of person. If you don’t get a returned call you should probably move
on, happy that you didn’t waste another moment with a rude jerk.
If, on the other hand you’re the adventurous type, you can try
this. Call the person up, but don’t leave messages on their
answering machine or voice mail. Wait for the person to answer.
Then, explain that you know that they’re busy and wanted to make it
easier by suggesting a time and place to meet. Then, have them open
their calendars and write it in. If they “forget” again, you know
it’s not about being busy – they just lack social skills.