Handling a Difficult Close

 

Question and Answer with relationship expert Dr Dennis

Hey Dr Neder,

I decided to write to you about one specific incident that happened about 24 hours ago, and I absolutely cannot stop thinking about it.

First off, thanks to your book and emails, I’m now enjoying solid success with women. There is a queue waiting for me, and they all vary between 6s and 8s (Type “B”). Having followed your guidelines, I have written on paper the kind of girl that I really want. And all of a sudden, there she is, appearing at the beach bar I hang out all the time.

At first, she was amongst a group of friends, so approach was a little difficult. Then, she went to play with a beach ball, and I some eye contact took place. I started playing some beach racket next to her “coincidentally”, and here it all begins: After I was done playing, she came over and asked to borrow the rackets. I said “out of the question” and when she took that “I can’t believe that” look, I said OK, but you don’t need the racket balls, do you? I paused, smiled and added, “OK, you can have them for 5 minutes.” All this made her smile and laugh.

Later, I walked over and talked to the guy next to her, who I happened to know, and she announced that they were going for lunch. So I said to her, looking straight in the eye, “How could you possibly go when a guy like me is here?” she said “what?” and I repeated, slower, word by word, and added ” OK, give me your phone number” and she said OK.

Here is where complication begins: There was a gap in the music from the loudspeakers, and when she walked to her stuff, I picked my mobile from my stuff, and walked towards her. She already had her phone on hand, BUT all her friends were kinda listening, so she said, “I won’t give it to you” (Damn) and I said “Hey, that’s cool, save it for next time” and walked.

So. No phone, lots of agitation. There is not much I can do until I see her again some other weekend, and here is where I need your advice: How do I go about that? You see, I don’t believe this as a rejection! I actually believe she might be interested in me.

ANY comments on the whole scene or ANY suggestions will be HIGHLY appreciated! you see, this girl is EXACTLY what I want.

Thanks for your time!

Hello!

Congratulations on your success my brother! I’m very proud of you. Isn’t it interesting that once you get this stuff on paper, something magical happens? I beg, plead, cajole, and even trick people into doing this because it really works. Somehow, as soon as the last word is written, the girl you describe seems to just appear. Really, it isn’t magic at all – it’s just about making use of the tools you were born with. Congratulations again – YOU DA MAN!!!

Good job on the approach as well. You used humor and challenged her quite effectively. As well, you ASKED for her home phone number, and guess what – she actually tried it give to you! Great job so far!

When she walked over to her stuff and you followed her is where you dropped the ball. As soon as she agreed to give you her number, you should have taken it. It’s always a good idea to have a pen and paper on you, but you could have borrowed it from the bartender or even your friend. You should never wait on a close. Act specifically and immediately. Often this means having a plan and being able to handle contingencies.

There are other ways to have played this is when she walked to her stuff and said that she wouldn’t give you her number. For example, since she was in a pack of friends, you could have used them to your advantage. For example, you could have went over to one and said, (loudly enough for everyone else to hear), “Wouldn’t she and I make a cute couple?” What’s this “friend” going to say? “No”? That could be an insult to her!

Another way to play it would be to stay “in character” and say, “Well, ok – but you’re passing up one of the most exciting opportunities of your life!” What opportunity? Who cares! You’re just trying to instill “doubt in her doubt”.

Yet another way to play this would be the sympathetic ploy: “Ok, I understand you’re scared, because you think I’m a stranger, but how do you know if you’ve never met me?” Then, give a long pause and add, “It’s ok – give me your number and I’ll call you – don’t worry.”

The point is there are a number of ways to have countered this, but most all of them require at least a little preparation. You’ll be ready next time however having been through this one!

Let’s look at what to do next.

Especially because you got the feeling that she may be interested in you, you should devise another approach to use if you get the opportunity. Here’s what I would do:

First, when you see her, don’t wait – walk right up to her and say hello. Then, launch right into your spiel: “You know, the last time we met you were going to give me your number so that we could get together. You changed your mind, and I let you. I’m sorry for that now, because neither of us knows what could happen – we could be great together! But, we’re not going to know unless we do something about it. Give me your number and we’ll try this again.” When you deliver this, be confident and calm, but direct.

Bold? You bet! That’s the point. You’re trying to show confidence and keep up the close. Be sure to let me know what happens.

Good luck, much love…