You know what usually throws men over the abyss of nerves in the dating scene? It’s the way women go at them with so many challenges during conversation. Some guys just reek of insecurities and women can have their fun picking on these men. At the very least, women will try to challenge your sensibilities and watch you flounder.

But if you know better, you’ll understand that a lot of women are doing this for reasons other than being mean to you. It’s not you, it’s them. Like you, they’re going to these places to meet people, and like you, their insecurities are exposed more with minimal provocation.

Here are some of the ways women challenge men in conversation, and the possible reasons behind these.

1. Loaded Yes or No Questions

It’s common for women to ask “are you a player” whenever a guy sits next to them and strikes up a conversation. It’s a man’s mistake if he answers this question. You see, a woman’s definition of a player may be different from yours or anybody else’s. She might be scared to meet the men that her friends or her parents warned her about. Or, she may have had her share of ‘players’ in the past and does not want to make the same mistake.

There are more questions in league with the player question, such as “are you hitting on me”, “do you say these things to all the girls you meet for the first time”, etc. Answering with a yes or a no will put you in a sticky situation, and you’re better off deflecting these types of questions than answering them head on. Perception plays a big role in how you can do this. If you zero in on why the girl is asking the question in the first place, you can turn the tables on her.

2. Provocation

When a woman acts up in your company, it may not be the booze. In fact, anything that makes you think that a woman has had a lot to drink may be a bid for attention. Most women enjoy the attention that comes with this kind of provocation. She wants attention, and beginning to deal with this kind of behavior means you should be keen enough to recognize it for what it is.

Some types of provocation may be a lot less tame than simply acting drunk. Some can destroy the conversation entirely or make you lose your cool. There are women who act up and start calling you out for being ‘un-gentlemanly’ when you respond to this kind of provocation. Why do they do it? It may be to reinforce what they think guys are like in general. The way to handle this scenario is not to be provoked, but the technique involves a lot of patience.

David Kwan