Not all couples experience sexual bliss. In fact, one out of three couple in the United States has mismatched sex drives that create a strain in the relationship. If not properly addressed, mismatched sex drives can lead to infidelity, separation or divorce.
While you think that the problem is your decreasing sex drive that cannot match up with your partner’s huge appetite, the issue can be resolved only if both of you become committed to work on your relationship. The thing is that, solving the problem does not lie on the partner who is lacking the sex drive. Moreover, the problem will also not resolve within days or weeks as it takes a long time to boot and match your sex drive with that of your partner’s.
Causes Of Mismatched Sex Drives
There are so many reasons why couples can have mismatched sex drives. The factors affecting sex drive can be related to physical conditions such as stress and illnesses. Different types of medications can also affect the sex drive. Below are common problems that may contribute to having mismatched sex drive and low libido.
- Depression and anxiety problems caused by major changes in life such as job change, house moving and death in the family can lead to low libido.
- Lifestyle changes such as change in diet, alcohol consumption, less exercise, drug use and lack of sleep can also decrease your sex drive.
- Boredom within the relationship such as unresolved issues due to mismatched ideas and resentment can put a lot of stress among couples thus reducing their chances to engage in romantic acts.
- Health conditions like pregnancy, birth of a child or menopause can also reduce the libido of your wife or girlfriend.
- Past issues resurfacing such as sexual trauma can also affect the sexual drive of individuals and, in most cases; it is difficult to deal with such problem if intervention is not sought after.
- Having kids can be stressful and it forces couples to focus their time and affection on their kids instead of among themselves.
- As we age, our bodies change and this can lead to feelings of insecurity as well as unattractiveness thus reducing the libido.
- Negative communication habits such as complaining and nagging can lead to resentment in your partners thus resulting to low attraction and sex drive.
In this kind of situation, one partner may feel one way about sex while the other one will feel another thing about it. If these problems are persistent in your relationship, then it is important that you try to solve it by communicating well. Take time to figure out what is happening and try to accept the changes so that you can fix the problem.
How To Improve Sex Drive
There is no one-size fits all solution to mismatched sex drives. If couples have mismatched sex drive, one partner often wins over the other especially when it comes to initiating sex. Good relationship is not about the display of power and it is important that you create a situation wherein you can both win despite your mismatched libidos. Improving your sex drive by matching your libidos requires couples to constantly work on improving their situation and below are the ways on how to fix problems with mismatched libido and improve your sex drive.
- Cultivate non-physical intimacy: It is important that you cultivate non-physical intimacy between you and your partner. This means engaging in activities that can be both physical and affectionate but not putting too much pressure to have sex afterwards. Examples of non-physical intimacy include cuddling, kissing and exchanging intimate messages with your partner.
- Do not give up on sex: This is especially true if your partner has a very high libido and you cannot meet up with his expectations because you are busy taking care of the kids or other stuffs. It is easy to get turned off with your partner who demands so much from you without understanding your situation. If this happens, do not give up on sex altogether. Instead, you can add variety to your sex lives to improve intimacy.
- Communicate your issues: It is crucial that you figure out what is going on in your relationship by communicating with your partner and coming up with a plan to fix the problem. Issues that are not dealt with only create desperation and frustration that can break the relationship. Remember that any relationship comes with many problems and talking about them is one of the ways to fix the underlying issue that may be causing the problem.
- Make your conversations sexy: The brain is considered as the biggest sex organ so stimulating the brain can help improve the libido of couples. Find ways to say something sexy about your partner and share sexual fantasies together. Doing so boosts both you and your partner’s self-esteem.
- Enjoy your sexuality by yourself: There are benefits of masturbating by yourself. However, it is important to take note that it should not be used as a substitute for your lack of sex with your partner. Doing so allows you to open up your sexuality so that you may embrace it easily.
- Have sex: Some people who have lost their libido are no longer interested to have sex with their partners. If you are truly bent on saving your relationship, then try to have sex with your partner. Put your mind to it so that your body will follow. However, you have to take note that you should have sex not for the sake of sex alone. You need to have intimacy with your partner to enjoy sex even more.
These strategies will help you fix the problem with your partner related to mismatched libido. However, it is important to take note that the tactics might or might not work depending on your ability to work things out through your issues. You can bridge any gaps in libido with your partner if you know how to work and play your cards right.
Further Reading :
b) 50 Sex Experts: “THIS Is How Long She Wants Sex to Last”