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Long Term Relationships Before Sex
As you know, we believe there is no point in misleading a
woman.
It
makes you feel bad about yourself as a man, and is difficult to do
well, anyway. Having said that, then, what should you do?
We believe you should tell a woman the truth, but the intensity
of the truth you tell should increase as you build a more intimate
and trusting relationship with her. For instance, it may be
true that you love pornography, or that your dream in life is
to sleep with two bisexual women at once, but it would be
wildly inappropriate to share these facts about yourself until
the relationship has built up enough trust to handle the
intensity of such revelations. Some "truths" really don't
belong on a first date.
"Truths" about "looking for the one and only" really don't belong
on a first date. They are too intense, and your relationship
isn't strong enough at that point to handle such
conversations. It would be like you asking her on the first
date if she likes to have sex every day, or if she would be
interested in dressing up in latex for you. The questions
aren't bad; just premature.
Usually, dating and talking about dating other people works
like this: You have no interest in a monogamous relationship
with any woman. It's her JOB to convince you, to enroll you in
the idea of a relationship with her. One of the ways she does
this is through sex. Very often, this works for her: you have
sex with her a bunch, and start to see her as potential
relationship material, after all. Then (if all goes well),
after you've been dating for a couple of months, she'll ask,
"are you seeing anyone else?" At THAT point you have a
decision to make...give up the woman, or give up other women.
She's just shooting herself in the foot by asking the question
anytime before she's given you good reasons to like her.
So what should you do when she asks, "are you dating anyone
else?" on the first date. First, don't make a big deal out of
it. Tell her,
"Yea, I'm doing some dating now, but certainly nothing
serious."
If she presses the topic, you can say things like,
"I'm looking for a relationship that can develop, that we can
both be really honest in, where we can really see what's right
between us, you know what I mean?" or
"I'm not really looking for a relationship, but I'm definitely
open to one with the right woman. I feel like it's a little
early for me to have that conversation with you. "
These things are true, and that's what's important.
Second, you then need to be re-directing the conversation
to something else, because, as we said, it's as inappropriate
for her to ask you about your commitment potential right away
as it would be for you to ask her about her sexual potential
right away. Ask her about something else. Generate an
experience for her. Get her thinking about something else.
Some women are crazy on this subject, though. Just like some guys
go up to women and say "hey baby, wanna fuck?", some women
hammer men about commitment during her first conversation with
a guy. If she won't get off it, you'll have to move on. But if
you understand why it is inappropriate for her to be asking
this, and understand how to handle it without being a liar,
you will probably be okay.
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