Giving Up With Women
Sometimes
we all feel like giving up. We've had one rejection too many, one failed
date too many, and are just plain tired of everything.
This is especially a problem when you have bucked yourself up
numerous times, gotten back into the game, and STILL get knocked
down yet again. Sometimes it just seems like life is against you.
What can you do?
We have a different view on giving up than you might have heard
before. Despite what you may have heard, giving up can actually be a
good thing to do...If you do it properly.
"Giving up" is something that few of us allow ourselves to do. It
seems so permanent. It seems so personal. And it's rough to give up
in one area of your life without feeling like a failure in every
area. So you end up living by the creed of Commander Taggert in
"Galaxy Quest:" "Never give up. Never surrender."
The problem with this philosophy is that it puts you at war with
yourself. You try to push yourself to go to one more niche event to
meet women, or to talk to one more woman, or to flirt one more time,
and all the while another part of you is working against that
effort, saying "Forget it. It doesn't work anyhow. Remember the last
200 rejections? Why even try?"
We think that you can get a lot more done in your life if you
aren't being torn apart by internal conflicts every step of the way.
We think you are better off giving every part of you a place to
live, if you can...including the part of you that is discouraged and
wants to give up.
The biggest problem most men have with "giving up" is that it
seems permanent. If you give up on pursuing women, aren't you
becoming a level one seducer again, and dooming yourself to being
alone? The answer is, "no."
The men we have worked with who can't "give up" are often men who
live their lives believing that they always must be able to handle
everything, no matter how difficult it is. Very often they felt this
way in their families of origin, when they were kids. They often
felt like they had to be able to be surrogate parents to their own
parents, or to their brothers and sisters. As adults they often take
on a great deal of responsibility at their jobs, or feel guilty when
they don't. Unfortunately, never "giving up" doesn't make you happy.
It leaves you stressed out, controlling, and not open to innovative
solutions.
"Giving up" can be a doorway to something new. For example, we
have been working on Internet promotions for our site for the last
year, and we just aren't very good at it. After a year, we were so
tired of the pain of doing web promotion (even though it was
working) that we decided to "give up" on it. We said, "Screw it. We
give up. We hate this, and we aren't going to do it anymore. We're
going to spend our time doing what we like and are good at--creating
products and services for men about dating." It was only after
taking this stand that we were truly open to new solutions, and it
didn't take long for someone to show up who is now doing some of our
Internet marketing for us. Our willingness to "give up" made us able
to see what could be possible. If we'd been trying to do it all
ourselves, we might have asked this marketing guy for coaching, but
it never would have occurred to us to simply have him DO it for us.
Refusing to "give up" kept us focused on doing hard things, largely
because they were hard and challenging. "Giving up" allowed us to
see a simple and all-but-effortless solution to our problem.
We regularly "give up" on dating, when dating is giving us a hard
time. We'll say, "I've had it. I am giving up on dating. I'm tired
of it. I'm giving up on dating, and focusing on other areas of my
life." It doesn't take long before the freedom that "giving up" has
given us refreshes us, and gets us back in the game.
We've all heard people talk about how "when you stop looking for
a lover, a new one often shows up." This is because "giving up"
opens your mind to new possibilities, new options--even to the
possibility of things being easier than you ever dreamt they could
be.
"Okay," you are saying. "I'm sold. So how, precisely, do you I
give up on something?" We suggest that it can be relaxing to say,
out loud, what you are giving up on. Saying, "I give up on dating,"
might be a really relaxing thing for you to say right now.
We don't mean to get all metaphysical on your ass here, but, "I
give up" can bring you a feeling of freedom. "I give up," can start
to feel like, "I give up the belief that I have to be able to
control everything, to be able to handle everything, and to be able
to succeed at everything." From there it's not to long a stretch to
even have a feeling of faith associated with giving up: "I give up
on having to be able to handle everything all the time, and I can
let the Universe at large take care of at least some of my
life."
Done properly, giving up is a way of letting go of some of the
excessive, superhuman expectations you have probably placed on
yourself in your life. And done properly, giving up should feel like
a weight is lifted from you. Men who we teach this to usually feel
it as a relief, as if a weight is lifted from their shoulders.
So lets apply this to your specific question. You've been having
"one bomb after another" with women. Why not give up for a while?
Tell yourself that, for the next week at least (or even two, or
three), that you are not going to pursue women. Say, "I give up on
dating," knowing that you are not stopping forever, but let yourself
feel like you are.
Anytime you feel yourself pressuring yourself to go "do something
to get women," say to yourself "I give up on dating," and do
something that is truly enjoyable for you, and that serves you
having a life you love in some other way.
We don't know what will happen when you do this, as "giving up"
often opens up some space for unpredictable new things to occur. At
the very least, it will give you some time to relax and rejuvenate
yourself for your next seductions. But as you keep giving up, keep
your eyes open for new, simpler, more fun and easier ways to
date.
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