Dear Ron and David,
I feel screwed with a lot in my interactions with women. I often feel like other guys steal or try to steal my women, and that I have to roll over and play dead when a woman is inconsistent or not giving me what I want, instead of standing up for myself.
Also, it seems like when I first meet women, usually in some group activity, they are into me and very flirty, but then when I try to take it deeper, and to get them to like me, they bail out or get weird. How can I make them like me? I really want some pleasure in my life, before I’m old!
It sounds like you are counting on women to be your main source of pleasure, and while it is cool when that happens, making it your priority will never work.
You must find things that give you pleasure. It sounds like now you are looking for women to give it to you, and instead you are getting “He stole my woman” or “I rolled over and played dead,” or “the women aren’t giving me what I want.” You must, MUST have consistent sources of pleasure in your life that are not solely connected to women, or connected to trying to force women to like you. If you don’t, you will go crazy, and your every interaction with women will seem like a war.
It’s important, at this stage, to NOT worry too much about getting women to like you. We want that to develop easily and naturally, and, at this point in your development, “trying hard” to get women to like you is counter-productive.
Until you are better at having fun and enjoying yourself around women, trying “too hard” to get women’s approval is disturbingly similar to fighting with women. In both instances–trying to make a woman like you, or trying to win an argument with a woman–you are trying to make YOUR outcome happen. And both are likely to seem like a struggle.
Being able to have fun and experience enjoyment around women changes all that. If you are able to have fun in your interactions, to experience enjoyment, then having women like you won’t seem like you are struggling AGAINST her, because she will enjoy being with you and you will enjoy being with her. Once that is in place, it will be easier for you to relax and slowly move the seduction forward.
SO, the thought to have is NOT “How can I MAKE her like me?” That approach tends to drive women away. The thought to have is, “How can I have more fun and enjoyment in my life, and around women?” That will help these women take the next step, rather than being driven away.
Okay, so you are sold on the idea of having more enjoyment in your life. The next question is, how do you do that?
It is possible to have a lot of enjoyment in your life, yet to not feel it. In fact, on the PBS documentary, “Health and the Mind,” they interviewed a guy who had a stroke which damaged part of his brain (they could see the damage in an MRI). The result of this damage was to make it impossible for him to experience himself feeling his feelings. You could see, by looking at his face, that he was feeling emotions, but he himself had no experience of being them. A lot of men have this problem to a lesser degree, but they still have it: They have a hard time experiencing the enjoyment of their lives, even when other people can see it on their faces.
We often have men who are learning to enjoy their life do this exercise: Practice NOTICING when you are enjoying things in your life. Say to yourself, “I am enjoying this,” while you are doing some enjoyable activity. That seems to help create the link that can make you enjoy your life a lot more, which will make it easier for women to like you, too.
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Ron Louis and David Copeland are dating coaches and authors of the best selling “How to Succeed with Women” and the creators of Seduction Techniques |
