Do you ever feel any of these feelings when you try to initiate contact or romance with a woman ?
Do you ever:
- Feel like you are having to fight your way through a brick wall?
- Feel fear of rejection?
- Feel doomed with women?
- Feel helpless before attractive women’s power?
- Want to control how things go when you interact with a woman?
- Feel isolated around women?
- Feel emotional pain or upset about women?
- Get self-critical about how you are with women?
All these experiences fear of rejection, feeling doomed, feeling helpless, wanting to control things, feelings of isolation, emotional pain, and self-criticism are forms of resisting the act of initiating with women.
Think about it:
What do you find yourself doing when you want to approach a woman, but feel afraid she’ll reject you? You resist the idea of approaching her, so you won’t get rejected. What do you do if you want to talk to a hot woman, but feel doomed and helpless about the attempt? You resist talking to her, so you won’t find out that you are doomed and helpless after all.
What do you find yourself doing when you want to say “hi” to a woman, but you feel upset even thinking about saying it? You resist saying “hi” to her, so you don’t have to feel even more upset. And what do you do if you want to flirt with a woman, but feel very self-critical about how you might do at it? You resist flirting, so you don’t have to endure another session of beating yourself up about doing a bad job flirting and initiating with women.
Fundamentally, you resist initiating with women.
All these experiences fear of rejection, feeling doomed, feeling helpless with women, emotional pain, and beating yourself up are the different ways that resistance shows up for you when you try to initiate contact or romance with a woman.
Your resistance to initiating with women is what is keeping you stuck.
Handling resistance:
Most self-help gurus will show you ways to overcome your resistance. We respect those ways, and even teach some “resistance-defeating” techniques ourselves.
But sometimes it’s better to not try to defeat it, to not “resist resistance.” Sometimes it’s better to allow things to be the way they are right now, without trying to change them. Sometimes not “resisting resistance” is the best way to move through it.
Think of a time someone brusquely told you what to do. How did you respond to their command? With resistance. In a way, their command “pushed” on you, and some part of you wanted to push back. They said “Do as I say,” and your first reaction was “No way. You can’t tell me what to do.” It’s human nature.
You’ve probably noticed this: Whenever you push on people, they tend to push back. In fact, people so hate to be told what to do that if someone commands them to do something they WANT to do, they often won’t do it, just because of the resistance the command created.
This also holds true when you tell yourself to do something. When you tell yourself to “Push through your resistance, and talk to that woman!” you only create MORE resistance, because your mind responds to the command by saying something equivalent to “No way! You can’t tell me what to do.” You’ve probably experienced that, yourself. Taking the action can actually get harder, when you push yourself to take it.
So here’s what you do: Welcome your resistance. Most of the time, we try to keep our sense of resistance out of our awareness. The invitation here is to allow your sense of your own resistance into your awareness, fully, and to allow it to be okay. Right now, as you are reading this, allow yourself to notice the sensation you have when you are resisting taking action with women. Think of a woman you are attracted to, but feel resistance to approaching. Let yourself experience that resistance. You’ll probably feel a sense of tightness inside. That’s your resistance. Let it be there.
Just for now, instead of trying to get rid of this resistance, simply make the decision to welcome it. Give it some space to live. You’ll often find that it is easier to let go of your resistance after you allow it and welcome it completely. When you stop pushing against your resistance, it stops pushing back against you.
So for now, welcome your resistance, and don’t try to do anything about it. You’ll probably notice that it becomes easier, or even sometimes automatic, to let it go, and to move forward in initiating with women.
Best of luck !
Ron Louis and David Copeland
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Ron Louis and David Copeland are dating coaches and authors of the best selling “How to Succeed with Women” and the creators of Seduction Techniques |
