I receive your newsletter and I’ve been amazed by your solutions for people who want to reclaim their love lives. Now I have a question for you. I was taking a class at night at my local university, and I met a very sexy woman who is older than I am (I am 26, and she is 35). We always talked after class, and we met a few times at the campus library to study together.
I was growing to really like her, but it was hard to understand what she wanted. Sometimes she acted very flirty towards me, and other times she acted cold and distant. She would sometimes call me twice a day to chat, and then she would stop calling me and wouldn’t return my calls for a few days.
I asked her many times to go on a date with me. Once, she agreed to meet me for lunch, but then she called me at the last minute and cancelled.
Our class ended three weeks ago. Now she will not answer my phone calls but we communicate with text messages. She confessed to me that she is still hurting from breaking up with her ex-boyfriend John. She says she loves me as a friend and our friendship is very important to her, but she isn’t ready for another serious relationship. When I try to get her to meet me, she always has an excuse.
I know she cares about me and if she just wants to be friends, that’s okay. But I need to know if I have a chance of making her my girlfriend.
Thanks for the awesome newsletters and I hope you have some solid Mack advice for me!
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Dean Cortez here with some more hard-core Tactical Advice…
You, my friend, have wound up in the Friend Zone. This is a common situation with men who are trying to follow the “normal” rules with women. (In other words, being nice, sweet, respectful, and following her lead…)
Let’s be honest. Is any guy ever satisfied having a female “friend” to talk to, when what he really wants from her is sex? No, of course not. And it’s only a matter of time before she meets some other guy who DOES make her feel sexually attracted, and once they start hooking up she’ll no longer have any need to hang out with you.
And do you really need female friends to talk to and share your problems with? No. You’ve got your buddies to fill that role in your life, and they can relate to you much better than a chick that makes you feel depressed and sexually frustrated.
So let me give you my Top 6 tips for busting out of the Friend Zone and getting women sexually interested in you…
1. Limit your availability. I’m willing to bet that whenever this girl does call you, you eagerly answer the phone and chat with her for as long as she wants. You think that when you spend two hours on the phone with her, sharing your life stories and telling her about the girl who broke your heart when you were in the tenth grade, you’re building a deep “connection” with her. But what you’re actually doing is removing ANY sense of mystery about yourself, and letting her know that you have nothing else going in your life…and no other women. This is massively UN-attractive to her.
(I know that when you’re a man who is struggling with his dating life, and haven’t hooked up with a chick in a while, this takes a LOT of discipline. Your instinct is to make yourself totally available to her and try to spend as much time as possible with her. Well, go ahead and keep doing it this way, if you want to keep wondering why women lose interest in you…)
2. Until you’ve slept with a woman, limit your phone chats with her to five minutes. And don’t get caught up in constant text-messaging. Give her the sense that you’re a busy man with places to be. Use these short phone calls, or text exchanges, to lock down your plans to see her again. Save the deep conversations for when you are actually spending time with her.
3. Women are moody and emotional. Get used to it, and know how to deal with it. When she start acting weird or distant, she is testing you. She wants to see how you will respond. Do you kiss her ass and ask her “what’s wrong?” Do you get frustrated and angered by her behavior? (Either of these responses will only make her get more moody!)
Or, do you behave like a firm, direct MAN? (Tell her, “Well, I can tell you’ve got some things on your mind right now, so why don’t you take some time to sort it out and get back to me. I’ve got some things I need to handle right now.”)
4. Her ex-boyfriend is irrelevant. Women commonly use the excuse, “I got out of a bad relationship recently, I don’t know if I’m ready for someone new, I don’t want to get hurt again,” etc. It’s all crap, basically. The truth is, if she met a confident, attractive man RIGHT NOW who made her feel a sexual connection, she’d forget about her ex-boyfriend in about 2.3 seconds. When she talks about her ex, and how she’s “not ready,” what she really means is that you’re not making her feel attraction, and so she’s testing you to see what kind of man you are.
Part of your job, as a Mack, is to put her in a positive, fun state of mind and keep her there. When she thinks of you, she should think of fun times and feeling good about herself. The last thing you want to do is allow her to dwell on her ex-boyfriend and be her “shoulder to cry on.” If she ever mentions him, change the subject. And never refer to him by name because it only aggravates her emotional state. (Instead, refer to him as “that guy.” Make him seem irrelevant and insignificant.)
HER: “I guess I’m just in a bad mood today because it would have been my third anniversary with my ex, John…”
YOU: “Well it sounds like that guy didn’t appreciate you the way he should have, and it’s his loss. I’m just glad we’re getting to know each other, because I can tell there’s a lot more to you than meets the eye. So tell me more about ________” (change the subject onto something that gets her in a positive, talkative mood).
5. Never confess your attraction to her. Women interpret this as a sign of weakness. You’ve been taught by the media that woman want a soft, sensitive guy who isn’t afraid to confess his feelings. Actually, the opposite is true. She needs to know you are a strong, emotionally secure and confident MAN.
Once you’ve got a sexual relationship going with her, and she’s bonded to you, feel free to be a sweet, loving boyfriend and do all of the romantic things that drive her wild. But until then, you’ve got to play it cool.
6. Finally, be willing to “man up” and walk away. If for whatever reason she just can’t sort out her feelings, cut her loose. Trust me, if you were involved with two or three OTHER women right now, you wouldn’t have the time or the interest to play games with some chick who can’t make up her mind. When you have multiple options, you’ll always feel confident and in control. Don’t make the mistake that most guys make, and place “all of your eggs in one basket.”
Once a woman has mentally placed you in “The Friend Zone,” it’s difficult to change her feelings towards you. Ideally, you never want to her to view you as her platonic, non-sexual “buddy” in the first place. This is why when you do meet up with women for a date, you’ve got to take things in a sexual direction. This doesn’t mean you have to sleep with women on the first date. But you’ve got to establish some physical contact and make her feel that you’re a sexual possibility for her.
My best-selling book “M.A.C.K. Tactics: The Ultimate Edition” is jam-packed with more than 300 pages on how to transform your attitude, skills, and confidence level so that women will pursue you from now, instead of you pursuing them.
Right now you can get your copy at M.A.C.K along with an incredible bonus package of free products, including videos, an mp3 audio course, and additional books.
Until next time, good luck…and Go Tactical!