How Can Women Be Great In Bed

You explained quite well some ideas on how a man can sexually turn on a woman. Now tell me...what does a woman need to do for a man to say, "Wow, She is great in bed" ?

Hey Sister!

That's a great question! Interestingly, I'm just finishing the chapter in the new book ("Being a Man in a Woman's World II"), entitled "Sex!" which discusses sexual proficiency in men. So, since it's on my mind, (when isn't it?), let me offer this:

Most women believe that they are pretty good in bed. In fact, while I've had many sexual partners, very few of them have been really great. Further, I've talked to a large number of guys with exactly the same experience. So, why the distance between what the women think, and the men know?

There are a number of reasons why:

1. Men don't usually have as much difficulty extracting pleasure out of sex as women do, and thus aren't as demanding.
2. Women don't expect, (and often aren't expected), to do very much in bed, thus they don't!
3. While women are focused on the quality of their relationships, they aren't as focused on the quality or their sexual skills.
4. Men don't often tell women what they want from them.
5. Women mistakenly think that all men want is the orgasm, when in fact; men have many varied interests in sex
6. Men are taught very early on to focus on the woman rather than themselves.

So, if you were to distill things down to their most fundamental elements, I believe these are the things that make women great in bed:

1. Enthusiasm - looking forward to sex; both giving AND receiving.
2. Responsibility - taking responsibility for their own pleasure and getting involved with it - not putting all the pressure on their men.
3. Openness - The willingness to talk about what she wants, and to ask what he likes. Then, to really understand what he means and question what she doesn't.
4. Willingness to experiment with new things.
5. Availability - Being available for sex whenever, and wherever.
6. Involvement - Willingness to do some of the work! Don't make us do it all - get involved happily and voluntarily.

Some final points are in order:

1. Obviously, different men want different things, but in general, most men enjoy oral sex. Learning to give good oral sex is a duty, not a luxury!
2. Be willing to tell us what you like, and what you don't. We're not mind readers, but we DO want to know what curls your toes.
3. If we don't know, show us! Let's work together to discover what works for you. We'll do the same thing in return.
4. If you're absolutely against something we want to do, we'll understand, but just not being sure isn't the same as being dead set against, so be open to new ideas.
5. Tell us your fantasies. We want to know what makes you tingle deep down in your depths.
6. Tell us your limits. We love, and respect you. We don't want to do anything to hurt you!
7. But, trust us too. We're probably more experienced sexually than you are! Take advantage of it!
8. Don't be shy - we're all adults here. We want to see, touch, taste and feel your body - every part of it.

I hope that helps shed some light on this!

Dr. Dennis W. Neder the author of Being a Man in a Woman's World. Got a love, relationship or man/woman question ? I answer all letters. You can write to me at dwneder@datingclass.com for answers. Back to Dennis's Columns