Why Man Likes Porn
Question and Answer with relationship expert Dr Dennis
Hi,
I need to understand why some men have are overly obsessed with porn. Is it that he is imagining he is having sex with them ?
Please tell me it like it is!
Thank you
Hello!
Wouldn't it be nice if there were a one-sentence answer to that question? The fact is it is rather more complicated. However, let me try to help you understand.
To understand this, you have to know one important key about men: men are NOT monogamous by nature. This isn't my fact by the way; it was here when I arrived! It is actually one of the reasons why humans have been so successful a species!
You see, in any animal species where there are few offspring born, and the infant mortality rate is high (as it is with gerbils, whales, dogs, giraffes and humans), the males are "wired" to seek multiple females for mating. This is how they help to insure that their genes get passed on to the next generation.
Interestingly, females are programmed to "pair bond" - that is, to try to create and sustain a monogamous relationship! By having a second adult around to protect, gather food, and raise their young, this is how females help to insure that THEIR genes get passed along as well!
In actuality pair bonding is a relatively new thing to humans - we've only been doing it for 5,000 years! Since we've been on this planet, (6 million years), we've been doing it "nature's way" for 99.92% of the time we've been here!
So, what does this have to do with porn? You see, men (males) are compelled to try to mate with as many women (females) as possible. However, they want to try to meet the expectations of society by staying in committed, monogamous relationships too. Thus, porn becomes a safe outlet for men's natural instincts. By viewing porn, they satisfy their programming while maintaining their commitments to their women.
You shouldn't be threatened by your man viewing porn any more than he should be threatened by you reading romance novels! In fact, it's his way of dealing with his natural programming; just as expecting him to be monogamous and committed to you is yours.
Let's talk about the monogamy part, as it is important to your implied question. As I mentioned, men are not monogamous by nature. BUT - we can CHOOSE to be. So, don't try to force your man to be monogamous - you're just going against nature, and his natural programming, and you know what happens when you try to fight nature - nature wins! Instead, simply be the woman for whom he chooses to be monogamous!
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