Breaking Up
Sometimes, things run their course. You may be
at fault or not, but when its time to bring your relationship to an
end you want to do so cleanly
and effectively. Here are some suggestions:
1) If you have personal items at your lover's place, you want to
begin getting them back. This is much more difficult to do after the
breakup. If your lover has things around your home, put these in a
box and have them ready to move. Be thorough - you don't want to
have things left over for him/her to have to come back to get
later.
2) Don't involve your friends, family, co-workers, etc., in the
breakup. This is only between you two. Adding others increases the
humiliation factor.
3) If you're afraid of a scene, breakup at a public venue such as
a restaurant. However, don't "lure" your soon-to-be-ex lover there
under false pretences. Explain that you want to "talk about your
relationship".
4) Don't wait until a "good time". Do it as soon as you make the
decision. Waiting only prolongs the inevitable and makes it even
more difficult.
5) However, don't breakup on a day with special significance. For
example, don't breakup on Christmas Day, Easter, or your
ex-partner's birthday. This is cruel, and may cause ruin that day
for this person for a long time.
6) Don't hedge - get to the point. Be clear and specific. Don't
blame or argue, and don't prolong the event.
7) Don't breakup in stages! Some people; either through fear of
losing someone, or a feeling that their sparing their ex-lover's
feelings do the "series breakup". They start by getting distant,
then, they suggest that both see other people, then, they stop
answering the telephone, etc. This is just causes the pain to be
extended for a longer time than is necessary. Remember, you wouldn't
cut off a dog's tail piece by piece (would you?); you'd do it all at
once.
8) Be considerate of or ex-lover's feelings, but don't back down.
Also, don't promise to stay in touch, stay friends, or say that
maybe you can get back together after you "get your head together".
This leads to false hopes.
9) Don't unload your hurt or anger on this person. Be detached,
unemotional and specific.
Breaking up is very difficult for both the person doing it as
well as the person getting dumped. Always remember that you saw
something in the person when you first got together. Regardless of
what happened they are still the same person you met and have a
right to their dignity.
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