Dating / Relationship Question and Answer
26 Dec 2001
Where to Find Wonderful Women or Magnificent Men
One of the questions that I get asked often
is, "Where do I meet a great man?" or "Where can I find beautiful
women?" as though there is a place where all these people are
kept.
Everybody knows about the club scene, the gym, and coffee houses,
but if you're hoping that one of these will be your ticket out of
single-city, you're missing the real opportunities that are around
you.
Certainly, there are some places that are better than others for
meeting people. For example, if you're looking for a woman to date,
don't spend all your time hanging around sports bars. If you're a
woman looking for a man, don't frequent sewing classes. Yes,
sometimes men and women and be found at these places, but you're
much better off increasing your odds by being where you expect them
to be.
So where's the perfect place to meet someone of the opposite sex?
Frankly, everywhere, (except your own living room!) The problem most
people find is really two separate issues:
1) They don't know what they're looking for, so they don't know
the right person when they find them; and,
2) They don't have any way pre-planned to meet this person.
If you spend some time BEFORE you try to meet someone, deciding
what you're really looking for in a partner, it's going to be much
easier to recognize that person when they show up.
In my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" I present a series
of exercises on just how to accomplish this. For the purposes of
this article however, sit down and make a list of things you're
looking for in a partner. Try to be as specific as possible and
visualize who this person is, and what they are all about. The more
clearly you can "see" this person, the more likely you'll actually
find him or her!
This works because it is a way of programming your mind. By
setting out the specifics of the person you're looking for, you're
telling parts of your brain to be aware of people that may fit this
profile. It greatly increases the possibility of finding that
person.
The second point - that of having a way of meeting someone is
actually much easier than it seems at first. This is true even if
you're very shy - but it takes practice.
Here are some final thoughts that will help:
Be open to meeting people - don't hide in a corner with your arms
crossed, and your eyes on the ground.
Use eye contact and a natural smile to attract people. If you're
not comfortable with these - practice!
Remember, people WANT to meet others - you included. Don't feel
like you're imposing on someone just by saying hello.
Use all the tools available to you - referrals from friends and
family, "cold contacts", business contacts, even the Internet.
If you're a woman, don't be too subtle - many men don't know when
you're interested in meeting someone.
If you're a man, don't be too aggressive - many women don't send
the right signals, or send mixed signals.
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