Dating / Relationship Question and Answer
12 Dec 2001
She Won't Stop Kissing Her Friends!
Hi,
I am in a serious relationship of over one year. Over the course
of our relationship, my girlfriend and I have spent most of the time
that we have been together without the company of our respective
friends. Once in a while we are in a situation where one of my
girlfriend's male friends is coming or going and her standard
greeting or send off is a kiss on the lips.
I don't kiss anyone on the lips other than my girlfriend. I find
it unsanitary. She obviously doesn't. She does insist on all shoes
being removed in the apartment and street clothes not being worn on
the bed (even on top of the comforter).
I have gone along with her need to feel a sense of cleanliness,
but she refuses to discuss her lip-planting all of these guys she is
friends with. She says that's just the way she is, and tells me to
get over it. I can't. I do not feel respected or comfortable not to
mention grossed out!
-Cold Sore Patrol
Hello!
This is ABSOLUTELY a matter of respect (or disrespect on her
part)! Just like they say you're having sex with every other partner
your girlfriend has had, you're also kissing them too! Further,
she's giving you the dreaded "Test"!
If you've read any of my articles, you know that I talk about
"The Test" all the time, and it is a matter of utmost importance
that you get it handled once and for all, or it's just going to get
worse! Regardless of how she sees it, you don't feel comfortable
with it, and frankly, that's all that should matter.
To handle this you're going to have to put your foot down and
tell her, no more kissing other guys on the lips - period. Further,
if she kisses some guy on the lips, you're not going to kiss her
until after she takes a bath! You should also have a long talk with
her regarding respect. (By the way - I once got a chick I was dating
to stop smoking by doing this! She had to fully brush her teeth
every time she smoked before I would kiss her - outside of course.
What a pain in the ass!)
If this doesn't get you anywhere, you might want to illicit some
of your female friend's help - at least those you'd want to
tongue-kiss. Of course, you've got to make sure you do this only in
public, and hopefully around her friends, as the humiliation factor
is the primary key.
The reason why this is so insidious (and she knows it is!) is
that she can easily come back with "but we're only friends - YOU
must be insecure!" How do you defend that statement? This is why it
is so imperative to get corrected immediately. You might also want
to pick up a copy of my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" as it
goes into handling these kinds of tests in great depth.
Let me know how things turn out, my brother...
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