Overcome your shyness
What is shyness ?
One definition of shyness is "having difficulty in
creating a good rapport with the people one meets."
For some people, the problem of shyness may simply be having trouble thinking of
things to say in social situations. For others, it
may involve crippling physical manifestations of
uneasiness. For most, shyness involves a combination
of both symptoms to a greater or lesser degree. In
any event, the effects of shyness can be devastating.
Behaviors that come spontaneously for the average person (smiling,
thinking of suitable conversational topics, assuming
a relaxed posture, making good eye-contact, etc.)
may simply not be an inherent part of the shy person's makeup. Another problem of shyness
is that shy people may not know how to behave in
certain situations. Wrote Dr. Phillip G. Zimbardo,
one of the country's foremost authorities on the
subject of shyness, "Some don't have the social
skills necessary for keeping the machinery of human
relationships functioning smoothly. They don't know
how to start a conversation or ask for a raise or
speak up in class." Thus, there's more to
shyness than merely not knowing what to say. The
severely shy may find it difficult to do something
as simple as smile and say "hello" to
someone. If they don't tend to smile easily, they
may be afraid to "force" a smile out of
the subconscious fear that it will be seen as
"phony" by others. Also, if a shy person does
not have an easy smile or a ready laugh, he may be
viewed as overly serious, even humorless. According
to The Single's Almanac by Jeffrey Ullman, (1986,
World Almanac Publications,) the first thing women
look at in men is the smile and the laugh. (A
comparable predisposition is reported in men's
judgments of women.) Now let's look at some of the
behavioral components of shyness : Anxiety or lack of
self-confidence around other peopleDifficulty thinking of
things to say in conversationLack of knowledge of
expected modes of behavior for various social situationsAbsence of outgoing
mannerisms such as good eye contact, an easy smile,
a relaxed posture, and so forthFurther, the element of
willpower (or the lack of it) enters into the
picture. The shy person must sometimes force himself
to do such things as go to a party or to strike up a
conversation with a classmate. These, for the shy
person, can require a tremendous amount of effort. Also, sometimes shyness can
be much like a phobia-an irrational fear that
cripples our behavior. We know it's foolish to be
afraid of people. We know that people are more
inclined to like us if we're relaxed and cheerful
than if we're awkward or clumsy. Still, we seem to
be predisposed somehow to behave in a certain way.
Though the fear that accompanies a "true"
phobia is usually more extreme than the fear that
accompanies shyness, there do seem to be common
elements. (There is even such a thing as a true
phobia of other people; it's called anthrophobia.)
Learn how to overcome your shyness |
