What Do Women Really Want ?
I am now going to reveal to you what women
want, have always wanted and will always be looking for in any man
with whom they become intimate. It is a "Trump" attribute, which
means that its presence is a more powerful influence than others and
can tip the scales of emotional acceptance in your
Be advised that I will be dealing with a monumental but accurate
generalization which is not meant to apply to every female who ever
lived. I bow to the variability within and between the sexes.
Nonetheless, you will see that my assertion has the undeniable thud
of the obvious.
If you feel the cold chill of disbelief or the fever of
indignation rising in you at these words, please consult with Woody
Allen, a cunning expert at attracting beautiful talented women on
the sheer force of this "Trump" attribute which draws women like...
What women want from men is confidence. The Trump is Personal
Confidence... not arrogance, not dominance, not one-upsmanship,
not useless bravado, not macho heroics. Women just love truly
Now as you know, confidence is an attitude thing. In particular,
male confidence frequently manifests as an "I-can-handle-it
attitude". This does not mean that feelings are denied. It doesn't
imply an absence of doubt, fear, or vulnerability. A delusion of
total self sufficiency is not required.
Confidence simply says: "I can deal with it... somehow... well at
least I'll do my best". The attitude of confidence doesn't even have
to be constant, just generally present in the face of most life
For hundreds of thousands of years of human development, a
confident attitude was much easier for men to gain and display than
it is now because it was required for survival. There was hardly any
choice. Until recently, the demands of physical survival were the
primary issue in pair-bonding and confidence-building roles for both
sexes directly related to survival were far more apparent. I am not
talking about survival in extraordinary circumstances, either. It
could be as basic as steadfastness in getting the crops in out of
In the smaller communities in which we used to live, everyone
could see the skilled hunter, the dedicated farmer and stockman, the
courageous protector, the skilled artisan, the accomplished leader,
the sage teacher, the men who didn't give up in the face of
Why hell! There have been times and cultures where a women
wouldn't even consider a man who couldn't claim to be a good
carpenter or a competent dirt mover. These roles, decreed by harsher
realities of life than most of us now experience, were obvious
advertisements for male virtue, i.e., "I can handle it".
Unfortunately, the signs indicative of genuine masculine
confidence are confusing today and gender roles are a chaotic mess.
The external demonstrations of natural confidence have become
confused with the poor substitute of consumer status symbols. But...
women instinctually look for clues to a man's level of confidence...
and test it to the limit... but not in the old-fashioned way.
Now for the good news! Since confidence is primarily an attitude
toward meeting life challenges of all kinds - and there's no
shortage of challenges in the world - the essential attitude can
still be cultivated and demonstrated. But it cannot be faked with
money, looks, or possessions.
Willingness to face important struggles is still the ultimate key
to a woman's respect. In contemporary times, a man may express this
dynamic in many conventional ways. He can show his confidence
integrity through competence in his work, education, sports,
hobbies, child rearing, or doing home improvements. Actually, we can
include here any thing which involves mastering a new learning curve
and overcoming ego uncertainties.
Now, if a man really wants to do some crash confidence building
these days, he can try still the old-fashioned approach - and many
He can expose himself to more risks and bigger risks: jump out of
a few airplanes, compete at martial arts, skiboard off of snowy
mountains, lift weights, climb sheer cliffs with only the strength
of his fingertips for security, take on dangerous political
controversies, start an unusual new business with more enthusiasm
than capital, confront and influence provocative teenagers, or spend
days in the wilderness with only his tom-tom for company.
But we all know perfectly well that these are methods not
character outcomes. It is not the specific activity that matters,
what matters is what goes on in the man's head that makes him feel
some sense of Mastery.
Or... a man can cut to the bottom line, avoid physically and
financially dangerous experiences, and go for The Really Big Risk...
the ultimate emotional challenge. He can work directly at becoming
more confident with women themselves. That's riskier than cliff
Although a woman likes to believe a man is willing to deal with a
lot of things, what really counts is that he is able to deal with
her. A healthy, mature woman resists impassioned commitment to a man
who is afraid of her sexuality, her intelligence, or her
This means gaining confidence and empathy (unavoidably stuck
together) in approaching and relating to women on many levels, in
the face of rejections real or imagined. And since this is the
riskiest venture of all, the pay-off is, appropriately, the biggest:
the devotion of a loving woman who can make your life extremely
pleasant on a daily basis. Confidence with women in general -
beautiful, plain, smart, nice, mean, old, young - every kind of
woman - is an unavoidable social skill which can and must be learned
if what you want is the greatest intimate relationship of your life.
Contributed by Dana Peach
The Authoritative Matchmaker