Put Yourself In Tip-Top Dating Shape

The relationship you fantasize won't become reality until you stop watching television romances and start working on your own. Addressing the causes and conditions of your previous failures will hopefully prevent you from failing again.

Be able to carry on an articulate conversation, no matter what the topic. While expertise on every topic would be a turnoff, the more intelligent your dialogue, the more interesting you'll appear.

You're composed of a body, mind and spirit that are more attractive when you're mentally, physically and spritually healthy. You are what you eat and what you "digest" in other ways.

Games and barriers waste time. Healthy relationships simply won't develop out of a false presentation. No matter how hard you pretend to be someone else, you'll eventually return to who you really are, leaving the person you're with questioning whether you're person A or person B. Let your expectations and goals for the relationship be known.

Really hear what others say and specifically react to what you've heard. Avoid preparing your response as the other person speaks. As the old saying goes : "We have two ears and only one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak." We respond best to those who listen to us as though we're the most important person in the room at that moment.

Carefully plan what, when and how your date should go and then let each other know. This can be done by both individuals as a team or by alternating romantic responsibilities. Consider what it might cost and who is covering the expense. Have several options in mind so you can choose what interests both of you. At the same time, be open to new experiences and dare to be different. A brief discussion will prevent you showing up for a picnic wearing a suit.  The more questions you ask, the less you'll have to rely on assumptions.

You may have met briefly, quickly exchanged phone numbers or email addresses, and decided to go out. It's important to confirm that you're still interested in going out and are looking forward to the time you'll spend together. Your date will be impressed that you took time to be considerate, and will appreciate knowing that you were thinking about him or her.

How far in advance should this contact be made ?
It depends on how much time falls between the day you met and your first date. The less time between the two, the quicker you should call someone after meeting them. If a date is weeks away, calling a week or so before is appropriate and appreciated.

Expect to have a good time on your date, but don't have unrealistic expectations about the person or the outcome of the date. The beginning phase of dating someone new is ap rocess of discovery, not finality. Extend the same consideration to others that you'd like them to give you. Create some mystery by evading the infamous first kiss (gasp!) or other physical intimacy on the first date. While you're treating them with respect and keeping the pace comfortable, you're also placing a question in their mind about whether or not you find them attractive. A little sexual frustration, tension, and mystery can be very enticing.

Whether you had the date of a lifetime or a date that seemed to last a lifetime, make closure. If it went well, closure may mean scheduling another date. If it was a catastrophe, closure means a tactful and gracious "good bye".

When meeting people who are close to your date (family, friends, colleagues, or employers), be friendly yet respect their boundaries. Be gracious, have a sense of humor, keep conversations light and brief, and express an interest in who they are and what their relationship to your date is, especially if you're meeting a parent or employer. Avoid talking about the pace or direction of your relationship (your date may have a different perception !)

Don't hesitate or be afraid to ask someone out. Everyday you fail to approach a person whom you're attracted is a day he or she might meet someone else and never get to know you.